Last week I realized I am in deep trouble. Because I seem to hate writing. I lived a big lie all along. Or how is it possible the number one passion I state in any survey/online profile/conversation is in fact the task that I keep prancing around, putting off, procrastinating, distracting myself from the most?
So far, I had great explanations handy for not writing. Oooh, I have a 50 h work week. Aaah, friends are coming over. Hmmm, walk with hubby, we never spend enough time together. Now I have no job, my friends are far away and hubby is in office or on business trips. Which leaves me alone with my two worst enemies: notebook and pen.
Luckily, I have found new ways to outsmart them, and I am happy to share five of them with you – all tried and tested last week, when I was working on my first short story for my first short story competition. (Theme: “Die nackte Angst”/”Blind Fear”)
- Tell everyone what you’re doing – preferably over facebook and in a cryptic kind of way as it encourages people to comment and ask questions. Keeps distractions coming spread over a couple of hours. So under no circumstances log out of either facebook or your e-mail account. And keep refreshing regularly!
- Make loads of tea - but cup by cup, so you can get up more often. Triple effect as it as well trains the gluteus and makes you go to the bathroom more often.
- Choose a setting for your story that you are not familiar with. You will need to do extensive research on e.g. the layout of an Indian airport you’ve never been to, with loads of opportunities to trail off and get stuck in reading blogs and forum posts less related to the topic.
- Adopt a complicated working style (like writing long hand, then type it into the computer, before continuing with long hand) which will cost additional time.
- Be a perfectionist – start editing and re-editing your first paragraph and then edit it again, before you start writing the second.
- Maintain a blog in English so you can wonder – and research – what the writing competition’s theme in English would be. (Tip for cineasts: the literal but not entirely correct translation of “Die nackte Angst” googles you to an unmissable C-Movie about a psychopathic killer chasing naked women around New Mexico with a crossbow).
So you see, the effort to summarily avoid writing and missing the deadline for the competition was impeccable. Unfortunately, I underestimated the effect a looming deadline usually has on me. So I finished the story within 5 days, submitting on the evening before the deadline.
Great thing is though: The competition was part of a bigger plan – to avoid starting my second book. Because the only thing worse than writing a short story is writing a book. So a classic win-win situation, I’d say!
Any tips on procrastinating for me? Interest in a (German) short story about naked fear (without crossbows, though)? Let me know …
5 Comments
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Hahahaha, love it
Can replace ‘writing’ with ‘photographing’. Ah the life of the self-employed creative…
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to avoid avoiding writing I would recommend: “So zähmen Sie Ihren inneren Schweinehund!” by Marco von Münchhausen – and if it is not working, at least you will find more excuses -
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Let me play a bit of Devil’s advocate here…maybe all the problems of procrastination you’re facing come from lack of talent? I know a few writers because I work in the publishing industry, and none of them checks Email, goes on Facebook, or drink lots of hot beverages because they’re, like, too friggin busy to write down what’s in their heads.
Talent will find its way, is what I’m trying to say…
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Nice one, Bernd! Definitely agree that talent combined with discipline will find its way. I would definitely be interested to meet those always-focused writers – surely there is a lot to learn from them. You’re very welcome to check out yourself if lack of talent is the problem, by reading the story or a trial chapter of my first novel (finished). Just let me know.
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This is hilarious! As is Bernd’s comment!
And I thought humour was a fundamental skill to have in the “publishing industry”..
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[...] author of the Write in Berlin blog, shares a few surefire tips on how to do so in ”The Art of Avoiding to Write.” Even when you do find your groove, there is a process to it, a method underlying all that [...]